I haven’t written a reflective entry for quite a while so here goes. What will I reflect on? Hmmm… my life? Ok, life is pretty okay now I guess. Let’s talk about work first. Work is tiring, as usual. I have loads of marking and exam papers to set. My time table truly sux from Tuesday to Thursdays. I only have the 2 recesses to breathe in between classes. Mondays all right but it’s tutorial days so that’s not good either. Still, I cheer myself up by telling myself I work a 4 day work week because I only have 2 periods with my angel class of 2E1 on Fridays (but they give me classes to relief at times). I have the Dunearnite musical to worry about. That’s like a major project. Many of my colleagues have decided to pack up and leave. I’m still here.
Why am I still here? I’ll tell you why. Not too long ago, I so badly wanted to leave. Now, I’m all right (not ecstatic though) with staying. I suppose it’s because I like the familiar. Seven years here has made the surroundings familiar. I’m too lazy to do the smile, greet and “How do you do?” routine with new colleagues in a new school. I can’t be bothered to walk around with a friendly face when I don’t feel like it. Here, I know the idiosyncrasies of the people I work with and I work around this knowledge. The bottom line is I stay away from the “freakos”, “Robin Hoods” (those who like to shoot arrows) and “meanies” and socialize with everyone else. But then, I might be a “freako” to others too (and they stay away from me and my posse) so it’s even.
Then, there’s the kids. They can be a pain in the you know where at times but they are essentially good kids. They respect me as a teacher and they learn from me. If I go to an independent school where the kids think they know everything and try to prove that they are smarter than you, then I’ll be truly unhappy. As cliché as it may sound, I feel I can make a difference in the lives of the kids here (don’t gag). So I wake up at 5 am every morning and go about my safe and boring routine. A coward? An underachiever? So what if I am? It’s my freaking life, right? I decide where I go (or stay), when I want to go. To hell with what people say. I’ll do whatever I need to do (quit, switch schools, be a housewife, sell chicken rice, move to Antartica, whatever) when I’m good and ready.
Let’s move on. I was talking to my colleague the other day. I was telling her how some people have a certain perception of me. I won’t elaborate. Anyway, it’s not fair. There’s more substance in me than meets the eye. For example, the last I checked, I do NOT spend all my free time in front of the mirror making myself look pretty. (Did I just elaborate?) Firstly, I do Not have free time. The minute I get home, my life is dictated by my children. I do not rest, watch tv or do anything for myself. I get to shower, pray and eat and that’s about it. Even when I’m showering or praying, I have Ayra knocking the door down or slipping “love notes” to me through the little space under the door. When I’m eating, I have to watch Fuddin, answer Ayra’s 101 questions and chew and swallow at the same time. So forgive me for being blunt but does it look like I have time to “beautify” myself in front of the mirror at all? Urrgh…. (There are more examples but it takes to much effort to elaborate).
Why am I even getting upset? It’s just that some people are just so blatantly and obviously ignorant of the fact that life is complex and so are people. Humans are multi dimensional beings. Do not judge me. If you want to judge me, do it behind my back, not in my face. I don’t appreciate it. What I don’t know won’t harm or hurt me. Also, I’m too nice to tell it to your face that I think you’re shallow and presumptious. People are so cruel and hurtful at times. I guess I can be like that too.
Hubby and I were talking about setting up our own business. Heehee. I told him my only skill is teaching… I can’t do anything else very well… unless it’s skiving. But I want to bake… donuts, brownies, etc. The problem is I CAN”T BAKE. Pretty big problem huh? Hmm, or I could sell something? Like what? I have no idea.
I’m rambling. I’ll stop now… reality calls.
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