Life is a Paradox

For those of you who were (un)fortunate enough to read the entry which I have wisely deleted, do forgive me. Alas, I am human after all and that was a sheer, unadulterated moment of folly.
Life Is a paradox. Why? Because we humans are never satisfied with the status quo. When everything is relatively fine, we tend to sabotage our own lives with the tiniest details of why our life sucks. Contrary to that, when our lives truly sucks, we dream of a better life. At the end of the day, I feel we should just live in the moment, for the moment.
I'm sick of thinking of what could have been. I chose this life I'm leading now, didn't I? Yes, God determines but I planned and executed the things I did, did I not? So why in God's name, am I complaining? You were born, you live and then you die. In between, you just make the best of what you have, don't you? So I'm going to do just that. So here I am, at half past midnight, counting my blessings. Pardon me if any of these don't make any sense for this is a totally personal post and if you know me well enough, you should also know that there are many aspects of me which do not make sense. So here goes,

1. I am still alive and relatively healthy (the eyes need working on though).
2. I am not senile or obviously crazy to the public eye.
3. I have two beautiful children who test my patience every single day but they are perfect nonetheless.
4. I have remained happily married although there were moments I faltered and thought otherwise. Still, I am happily married to my teenage (not childhood) sweetheart.
5. I have a stable income (Note: stable does not equate sufficient).
6. My parents are alive and well (and still think I'm 14 and thus incapable of anything at times). Still, I am grateful to them.
7. I have a few good friends (who by the way, are just as cukoo as I am).
8. I am not a starving Ethiopian child.
9. I do not live in Afghanistan where the women are oppressed.
10. I do not live in a war torn country where watching people around me drop like flies is a social norm.

You get the idea. I get the idea. If I were to continue listing my blessings, hell yes, I do have a lot to be thankful for but since this entry is to indulge my insanity anyway, I will proceed to list some random "unblessings". Do take note however, that the list will be censored because if I really write all that I think, everyone will uncover the truth behind Dr Jekyl (that he's Mr Hyde?) and horrors of horrors, I will never be seen in the same saintly way I am viewed now by others.

1. I am not thin enough.
2. I am not rich enough.
3. I am not young enough.
4. I am not pretty enough.
5. I am not smart enough.
6. I am not capable enough.
7. I am not talented enough.
8. I am not a Saint.

Hmm, a truly superficial list of why I am not blessed enough. THAT'S IT! I have singlehandedly uncovered the truth! I am a SUPERFICIAL person! Eureka!

Now that that's settled, I will attempt to go to sleep now. As I do so, I will count my blessings. For those of you on the same wavelength as me, I apologize. Cynicism is my forte. For those of you who are not quite there, I apologize as well for you wasted precious time to read this truly nonsensical piece of sh.... I mean...entry.

Sweet dreams everyone. Don't let the bedbugs bite.