And She Turns 8...

Ayra's birthday this year was quite different from previous years.  We decided to do away with the party this year and opted for a quiet celebration instead.  We also thought we would be able to save some money as well but we were wrong. In our attempt to compensate her for the absence of a party, we overdid it on gifts and stuff that the amount we spend was equivalent to that of actually having a party (serves us right) but that my friends, is irrelevant.  What matters most is that my girl is happy and knows that March 12 is indeed a special day as that's the anniversary of her entering our lives and giving it so much more meaning and joy.

So was she happy?  Well, she liked the presents and the cake and didn't even mind that the cake didn't come with a candle (it went missing, thanks to me).  She also enjoyed dinner (chicken rice!) and the trip to the Night Safari (Me and Roshan were pretty dissapointed though coz we were expecting more) so I guess our objective was met.

Here are a few videos/ photos to give you an idea of how her birthday went.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/SJ58DBraOYs

http://www.youtube.com/embed/9gzYD5Aq1wM

Here's the adorable little Ryan passing his gifts to his beloved "Kakak".  Such a sweet gesture.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/soiym7-Bu80"

Yup, that pretty much sums up Ayra's birthday.  Next year, we'll have the whole over the top celebrations again. 

And where was our Fuddin amidst all this?

Uhuh.  Busy with his IPad.

He's sick now so he's rather grumpy and not very good company so I'm refraining from taking his photo.  Will post about the litlle munchkin soon.  For now, back to work!

Talking About My Girl

Yes, I have no lessons today.  It's supposed to be every Thursday but there's a timetable swop so this week, today's my free day.  I mean, I'm not really free as there's always tons to do but at least I get to clear some stuff as I have no lessons to go to... and I get to (finally) blog!  Tommorrow is a killer day though but let's not talk about that now, shall we?

Anyway, I went to meet Ayra's teachers on Monday.  As usual, her very sweet and easy going form teacher, Miss Elan, was full of praises for my girl.  She's now a group leader.  On the whole, I am encouraged.  Keep going, Baby. Ibu and Abah are proud of you.

Her language teacher, however, was not as nice.  She was overly stern (with me?!) and gave me a very disapproving look when I told her that we are a mainly English speaking family.  I told her that Ayra does speak Malay with her grandparents and we do make an effort to read Malay books and do assessments exercises.  I mean, the girl is trying her best and she did get highest for her mini Malay test (19/20) so what is the problem here?  I don't want to dwell on this as I don't want to come across as a typical defensive parent but I think I have a point of contention here.

Anyway, here's her Term 1 results.  We are on our way to getting a Band 1 for all her subjects again, no?  Well, I'll do my darnest to make sure of that :)



 Her birthday is coming up on Saturday.  We have everything planned.  We're going to the Night Safari!   I actually feel quite excited about that (yes, pretty pathetic I know).  I can't believe she's already 8 years old.  It only seems like yesterday that she was still an infant, crying her lungs out whenever she was put down and not cuddled to sleep!  Haha.  Those were tiring days.

Now, she's not as spoilt.  She's still very "manja" (affectionate) and demands kisses and hugs ever so often.  She still tries to worm her way into our bed every other night.  She still insists that we "talk talk" for at least 10 minutes before bedtime.  In other words, she's still  very much a baby; our baby and she will always remain so.

She's also slowly but surely becoming a better elder sis. She doesn't scream as much at Fuddin and during her English show and tell, she brought a photo of Fuddin to class and told everyone about how her brother is a special child and that she loves him very much.  There was a time when I thought she would never understand his condition but now, after talking to her about it and getting her to read books on autism, she seems to have accepted the fact that her brother is indeed different but nonetheless just as or even more special than most other children.

Here's a video of her engaging Fuddin in their all time favorite catching game.

"http://www.youtube.com/embed/KnfBEnrV7Rk"

Cute huh?

Anyway, if you are reading this Ayra, Ibu wants to tell you that "I LOVE YOU" and that Ibu owes you a hundred million kisses!  Muacks!  Happy 8th Birthday, Baby!

Busy,Busy,Busy!

Yup, I am pretty BUSY!  There's so many things to do; at home and at work.  Even as I type, I'm feeling guilty as I should be doing my work instead of blogging but hey, I need to stay sane, right?

Oh dear, I think I may not have the time to blog today after all.  I've got to do this another time.  In the meantime, if you're reading this, do visit the blog I set up for the Year 2 students of NUS High.  It's a creative writing blog and their first assignment was to twist a fairy tale!  Well, the kids got right into it and I'm proud to say, the creativity was aplenty!  The blog is on my blog list so do drop by.

Ok, Mdm A has to get back to work as she has to send attend her daughter's meet the parent session later today and what not.  Will be back with a vengeance.

See ya!

My (not so little anymore) Baby Boy

It's really weird.  I still call my 46kg almost 6 yrs old boy "Baby". Yup.  At times, when I need Ayra's help to get me his towel, I will say "Ayra, can you help me get Baby's towel?"  Then, on one occasion, Ayra proceeded to point out to me that he's not a baby anymore.  My instant reply?  "I know that but he'll always be my baby boy; just like you will always be my baby girl."  Hehe.  So politically correct, right?  Well, I figured if grown adults can call each other "Baby", why can't I call my still young child "Baby"?  Furthermore, he still smells like a baby (when he's not sweating like a pig).  He's also really innocent; just like a baby.

Anyway, here are 2 videos of my precious baby in class.  We were invited to observe him in class.  The second we walked in, he sensed that something different was going on and became rather unsettled.  Also, silly me had forgotten to zip my bag up and he saw the I-Pad!!!  He became rather disoriented after that and it came to the point that An and I had to leave the classroom so that he could resume his daily schedule.  Nevertheless, I'm glad I managed to record these 2 videos early on in the visit, when he was not so distracted.

"http://www.youtube.com/embed/9zABDOVKfA0"

 "http://www.youtube.com/embed/L99M02SYegQ"

Also, I'm happy to say that Fuddin has lost weight.  His tummy is not as hard and big as it used to be.  The cutting down of snack has really helped (I can't help it though.  I'm a chochoholic).  I'm thinking that if we stick to the plan, he can lose quite a bit by year end.  Anyway, we're working towards that. 

On a different note, I'm swamped with WORK! School and Housework.  I'm also really tired.  Like really.  Weekends, unbelievably, can even be more hectic than the weekdays for me.  Oh well, Life's Like That.  We mere mortals can and will complain.  We complain aout cleaning our houses when there are people with no houses to clean!  Blah blah blah.

Adios.  Till the next post, think positive.

I know sometimes it's gonna rain./But baby, can we make up now?/Coz I can't sleep through the pain

Fuddin @ the Science Centre

We decided to bring Fuddin to the Science Centre last Sunday.  Ayra was attending Math tuition so she couldn't tag along.  In any case, Fuddin was a happy little trooper and was all smiles; especially when he saw the Macdonalds there.  He proceeded to drag us into Macs.  You see, my baby has been put on a no snack diet eversince the recent visit to the dietician.  Anyway, I'll save that story for another day. 

To make a long story short, after eating his McNuggets, we were ready to go.  I bought the ticket (did they raise the price or something?) but then, Fuddin decided he didn't want to go in so what ensued was of course, the coaxing and what not.  Two minutes later, we were in.  This was his reaction.

"http://www.youtube.com/embed/CLLWTl2enyE

Cute, huh?  He didn't really knew where to go as there were so many things to touch and see!  If you notice us following his every step, well that's normal.  You see, Fuddin, despite his size, is pretty fast and we're terrified of losing sight of him.  We try not to get in his way as we do want to encourage him to explore and be confident about moving around independently (without hand holding) but we're parents after all.  His father says we should ease up more but with Fuddin, we cannot really tell what will happen next or what his reaction will be in any given situation.  Expect the unexpected.  Thus, my reluctance in "letting go".

Anyway, here he is, exploring the "Space" section.  He was pretty excited and touched whatever he could.  We couldn't stop to view or play with the exhibits though as he was always moving!  Haha!  We didn't mind though as it seemed like he was having a pretty good time.

"http://www.youtube.com/embed/c0FlNwEEHzE

About an hour and a half later, we left.  The sun was scorching outside and Fuddin squinted and tried to block the sun out of his eyes all the way to the car.  Trust my Fuddin to be such a "puteri lilin" which is a Malay phrase describing someone who can't stand the heat from the unrelentless sun.

Anyway, An and I have vowed to bring him out to an interesting place at least once a week.  I know how kids like him need exposure to the outside world.  We need to stimulate his senses and get him used to the idea of being out and about.  Only then, will he feel less afraid everytime he steps out of the house and into less familiar territories.

We're going to his school there to observe him in class later this morning.  I wonder if he'll act up or proceed as usual when he sees us.  We've been getting some complaints from Teacher Charlene as to his non compliance when it comes to sitting with the others during CircleTime group Activity and such.  Hmm, we'll see.

Alright, I've got to go.  I have to clear some work and do what I can before I go off at 10am.  After that, I may catch a movie with An :)

"We have to realize that we are as deeply afraid to live and to love as we are to die."

A New Beginning... No?

Yeah.  It feels like it.  It's been such a long time since I last blogged.  My writing skills have gone to waste.  I think Facebook has a lot to do with it.  I've become an expert at coming up with controversial, eye catching one liners; at the expense of really writing.  So, I've done the unexpected.  I'm giving up Facebook for real.  I forsee withdrawal symptom (Uh-huh) but I'm a tough cookie.  I mean, do you REALLY think I have more than 900 real friends?  If you ask me to narrow the list, I think only 50 or so will make the final cut.  So there.  I will close this chapter and embrace the new (or is it old?) me who looks forward to putting my thoughts and opinions down in proper paragraphs!  I will ELABORATE on whatever I want to talk about and I will use GRAMATICALLY CORRECT English, and not acronyms like rofl, lol, wtf :).  I will also not shorten the spelling of my words like I did in Facebook.  I will also not succumb to Singlish.  I will however, not give up on some of my favorite not-so-polite words which I will not elaborate on here.  I mean, yes I'm an English teacher at a prestigious independent school in Singapore but HELL, I'm also human.  It's bad enough I can't be myself in class, I reckon I sure as hell have the right to be so here. 

But wait, then there's my daughter.  Her well-meaning Aunt Caroline gave me the idea that she should start her own blog.  I mean, she's always looking for something to do and periodically will sigh and lament at how bored she is.  While I love Ayra to death, I am not a 7-Eleven.  I can only entertain her for so long (I'm TIRED!) so Aunt Caroline told me that a blog will keep her busy.  Well, so far the idea has taken off.  She's written 2 short posts and I've even taught her how to take photos with my (now hers) digicam and upload them on the computer and later onto her blog.  Next, I'm going to teach her how to embed videos....but I digress.  The point I'm trying to make is that her blog is linked to mine so I feel the need to censor myself.  I mean, I have to set a good example, no?  On the other hand, I also feel a need to be frank.  So I've decided that I will tone down on my "colorful" vocabulary and if I need to do so, I will write so eloquently and include such bombastic vocabulary that the intended subject will miss it? Wink Wink. 

Also, I've decided to blog by topics.  Before, I used to blog on events but I think that won't work now.  I'll end up with a blog without "heart".  I suppose I've progressed beyond the "my kids are so adorable that I want to cover every aspect of their life" phase (which some parents never do).  These parents end up losing their PERSONALITY and become lifelong personal reporters of their kids.  Now, this doesn't mean that I won't feature my heavyweight Fuddin and my frail Ayra. They are and will always be the loves of my life so it's natural for me to want to write about them.  Nevertheless, I refuse to strip myself of my personality.  This is MY blog and it will reflect me; mood swings and all.  Don't be surprised if and when I turn scizophrenic on you.  I mean, like I can be the responsible educator and parent in one post (indeed) and the nastiest B----H (Uh-huh) the next.

So that's it.  I now proclaim to the world (or the few souls who are actually interested to read what I write) that I am committed to making this blog come ALIVE!  I will w-r-r-r-r-i-t-e-e-e-e (said with much exaggeration)!

Reality check.  It's 8 am and my 10 hour workday has just started.  Till we meet again (SOON!), I will bid you a sweet adieu.

"It's great that I can finally rest my head on something real...I like the way it feels..."

This Time it's For Real

Yeah, it's true.  I'm back.  No backing out.  Hello blogger, goodbye facebook.  Stay tuned :)

IPAD!!!

Blogging on me new iPad! Woohoo! I am in love! I'm gonna so take over the blogging world.

Not now tho. Next post for sure. Soon. Akan datang!

New Year's Eve 2010

Yeah, it's New Year's Eve.  Where am I?  Home & hubbyless. Yeah, he's on night shift.  No worries though.  I'm contented.  Getting too old for the wild countdown parties anyway.  It would have been nice to have been able to go out on a quiet date with An though.  Too bad.  There's always New Year's Eve 2011 (yup checked his schedule; he's off that day, hehe).

2010?  Good or Bad?  Both.  Good coz it wasn't as horrid as 2009 but bad coz there were instances when I felt like giving up the fight.  I'm slowly accepting the fact that my life will never be problem free.  I have ageing parents, an autistic son, a neurotic personality...the list goes on.  Still, there is hope.  I hope to give my ageing parents the best last few years of their lives and my son the love & support he needs but the neurotic  personality part, I've yet to figure out.  Sometimes, I can't even understand myself.  I can be the nicest, loving, most understanding person at times but at other times, I can be selfish, mean and spiteful.  I just hope 2011 will be kinder to me.

Still, I'm not stupid.  2011 is a new year indeed but nothing changes.  It's just another day; only the year changes.  If I don't change, nothing will.

Let's talk about Fuddin.  There's never a day I don't think about how his future will be like; especially when me & An are not around anymore.  Believe me, the worst scenarios have been played out in my mind countless times.  I am plagued with guilt everytime I go out without him.  I feel bad when I am too tired to play with him.  I curse myself when I feel embarassed when people look at me when he acts up.  Everyday, I look at him and see a beautiful soul; one free of sins, so pure and simple.  I know God gave me Fuddin for a reason.  I don't and will never regret having him; I just regret not being able to do more for him.  I know that there's a better life for him after his time on Earth is up and that thought carries me through another day.  Still, being a mother, I cannot help but feel helpless at times when I am unable to "fix" him.  Yes, I may appear to many as being strong but deep down , my fears are real.  Another year which passes by just marks another year short of being able to take care of him.

Then there's Ayra.  My little princess.  I worry about her too.  The responsibility of taking care of Fuddin when me and An are gone rests on her shoulders.  I know it's unfair but we have no choice.  All I can offer her now is a beautiful childhood to compensate for what lies ahead.  Even now, I can't seem to spend enough time with her.  There's so many things I want to do with her but I never seem to have the time nor the energy.

I hope 2011 will be a year where I can really spend quality time with my children.  That is something I am going to work hard for in 2011.

As for hubby, I guess the obvious thing to do is to continue to support and love each other.  No doubt, we will try to make the marriage a better one this coming new year.  We must learn to give in to one another.  God knows we have to be strong to face the daunting challenges that await us everyday. 

So that's it.  My thoughts as 2010 comes to a close.  And oh!  I almost forgot!  Like every single year, I aim to lose 5 kgs!  Hehe! 

Oh! One last thing!  I vow to make this blog a regular blog.  Hehe.  One with photos and videos and happy moments instead of me going on bout everything. Yeah. 

Happy New Year everyone.  Forgive your enemies.  Love your family & friends.  God bless.  :)

I Survived!

Oh yeah.  I'm back.  Both the kiddos were sick a few days ago so that prety much explains why I haven't updated. 

After 2 days of fever and puking (all over the house) and NOT eating (hehe), my baby boy is back with a vengeance.  He's on a roll.  He's back to his "I want to be fed right now and if I don't get what I want, I will attack you!" mode so everything's back to normal.  LOl.  Yup, that's Fuddin for you.

Ayra's also better now.  It's so weird coz she can be running like a 39.9 degree celsius fever and she can still function.  I would be knocked out totally, huddled in bed, pitying myself to the max.  Kids.  They're so weird.

Anyway, "I promise this is the last fishing trip" Roshan caught 2 big fishies last night.  Hmm, he has like this overnight fishing trip in Malaysia all planned out next April.  Cheh.  I don't like.  I wish I have a hobby that can take me away on overnight trips.  Trust me to have the lamest hobbie ever... reading.  Maybe I can fly out to an exotic foreign country to read a book?  Haha (said with cmuch cynism).

Ok, an update on my diet.  I've been eating less but the scale hasn't budged.  I think it's the chocolate.  Being a choc addict sucks big time.  Therefore, I've decided to add another mystery element to the diet - Exercise!  Lol.  Obvious, right?  I  figure I can't possible starve everyday and I need my daily dose of chocolates so the most intelligent thing to do is to exercise.  I'm proud to proclaim that I did 1500 skips and 150 sit ups today!  Woohoo!  I also had 2 ferrero rochers, 1 kinder bueno, etc.  Haha.


Alright, gonna stop now.  Gonna have some quality mother-daugher bonding tomorrow.  Me and my baby girl are going... SHOPPING!  I can't wait.

Will write soon :)

A Feminist Junk Food Junkie

I love Pringles Potato Chips.  Best invention ever.  It makes me FAT but I like it and as of midnight tonight, which is 55 minutes away, I'm on a DIET so I'm stuffing my face with all the Pringles I can get my hands on before it's too late.  Truth be told, sometimes I think being a woman is a chore.  Not only do I need to give birth, I'm expected to take care of the household chores (eventhough I work full time), bleed every month...da di da di da...  Yeah, yeah, I know, I know... there are perks in being a woman (What are they again?  I really can't think of any now...Serious!).  Men don't give two hoots about gaining weight and I'm totally obsessed by it.  There is never a day I don't think about losing weight.  Urgh!

Oh well.  Life's like that.  Deal with it.

Anyway, Ayra & the grandparents stayed over at Bibik Linda's house on Saturday night so it was only An, me and Fuddin.  We brought him out to Jurong Point and actually managed to buy some stuff from the supermarket!  I don't think people realise how stressful it is for parents to bring their autistic child out.  We want the kid to have fun, let loose and on the other hand, we're so constrained by all these god damn people who keep staring!  Sometimes I feel like hanging a sign on my neck that screams - "Quit staring or I'll let my autistic kid bite your face!"  I dunno.  Are people really that ignorant?  Is it just here in Singapore?  Or am I the one with the problem?  The truth is I don't really care.  Whatever.  We'll just keep doing what we think is right.  At the end of the day, it's our lives.  We dictate who we'll let affect us and who won't, right?

Ok, I'm straying from the topic.  Anyway, Fuddin was really well behaved.  We were mighty proud of him.  Not a tantrum in sight.  Bedtime was not as easy though.  He was in bed by a quarter to 10 but only fell asleep at 11.15pm.  I was overjoyed nonetheless.  Sleep time for me!  However, at about half past 3, he was wide awake.  I was too sleepy to stay awake and watch him.  The next thing I knew, Grandma's wardrobe was wide open and he was helping himself to Grandma's new socks.  Haha!  Trust Fuddin to entertain himself. 

Hmm, what else?  Oh yah... Ayra's really excited about the Bangkok trip.  Keeps talking about the bubble bath in the bath tub!  Haha, ya, she's weird like that.  An's excited bout all the shopping and me?  I'm cool.  I have this nagging feeling that I'm gonna be way tired though & I'll miss my baby boy. 

I just realised I'm not gonna have like a long break from work during the June or Dec school holidays ever again. That totally sucks.  Period.

I think I'm gonna write a book of poetry.  A friend of mine has a friend who published her own book of poetry.  I wanna do that.  It'll be a best seller amongst angst filled women all over the world.  It'll personify the deep resentment we women hold against the oppression by the other sex.  I'll be famous.  Oprah Winfrey will invite me to her talk show.  Ellen Degeneres will make me her new BFF.  I'll probably get slayed by the PAP for inciting gender riots though and I'll have to disguise myself as a man.  Lol.  That'll be totally cool.

Yes, I know I'm crapping.  I can't help it.  There's something not quite right with my head right now.  Maybe the absence of all that marking has made me (gasp!) actually think! 

I'm gonna go now.  Gotta go raid the cabinets for junk food. :)

A Roller Coaster Ride

Yeah, not the real sort but the one that deals with feelings.  Started the month on a teary note.  Just got too much for me to handle but me being me, I had a good cry and got back on track. Relationships, all sorts, are hard to maintain.  You try to please some at the expense of peeving some others.  Why is life so difficult?

I guess the only thing is to keep going and to hold on to belief that if you are a good person, good things might happen to you.  I'm not looking for a perfect life coz I know that will never happen.  Not to me or anyone else for that matter.  All I'm looking for is the courage to face the challenges in life and to be able to say to myself at the end of each day that hey, I did alright today.  That is all I am looking forward.  Still, at times, I can't even seem to do even that.  Is it me?  Do I thrive on misery?  Haha.  Sounds rather sadistic but sometimes I wonder if it's true.

Well, enough self pity.  Life goes on and whether I like it or not, I have to move with the flow.  I have responsibilities to fulfill.  Thus, my self pitying days are numbered.  What keeps me sane (& drives me crazy at the same time!) is my family, especially my 2 little munchkins.

Uh huh.  These 2.  Haha.  Fuddin, despite his tendency to bite, scream, make a mess & basically make me a maid, is still and always will be, the most beautiful boy in the world.  He drives me up the wall at times but looking at him, my maternal instincts just take over and all I wanna do is protect and make him happy.  And Ayra, what can I say?  She is an extension of me.  The similarities between us can be rather startling at times.  She is my precious baby.

Then there's the other one.  Uh huh.  Yeah, him.  I love him.  He knows it.  He loves me.  I know it.  At the end of the day, that's all that matters.  The sacrifices we both make are a testament of our love.  E'nuf said.

Why so reflective today (or the youngsters will say, "Cher, why so emo?")?  I dunno.  God knows.

Ok, rather than going on and making everyone depressed, I'd stop now.  The next post will be a happier one.  This Energizer bunny just needs a recharge, that's all.  Ain't nothing to worry bout.  :)

See? Told Ya I'll Update!

Hmm, second successive post...not bad eh?  Anyway, I've added a few features to the blog but at the end of the day, I just wanna keep it simple.  I mean, there's no way I'll be able to update everyday and I don't wanna be a slave to my blog and end up updating it coz I have to and not want to.  Unfortunately (or fortunately), my life ain't that that interesting.

Ok some new pics...finally!

Here's the boy...

That's my baby boy with his new crew cut.  He's waiting for breakfast so stay away!

Here's the girl.

She's still nursing a fever and has been quarantined at home for the past 2 days but I'm sure she'll be up and about in no time!

Ok I gotta run.  Loads of things to do.  Will be back soon.  Wink wink.

The Maiden Post!

Hey World!  Yeah, it's me, THE Choc addict.  By the way, there wasn't any choc in the fridge today so I'm pissed.  Hell yeah, withdrawal symptoms.

Ok so I decided my first blog was oh so dead so I decided to start another blog; the 365 blog thingy.  I'm like supposed to post a photo every day of the year.  This was supposed to help me update regularly coz I don't have to write so much coz a picture is suppose to say a thousand words, RIGHT?  Lol, well that didn't work out.  It became too tedious and I was way busy as it was the exam period then (yeah yeah, excuses, I know).  Well, 'nuff bout that.  Well, here I am with my brand new blog, except it ain't so new coz I imported the 1st blog.  Just didn't want to throw all the memories in there away.  It's full of cute photos of my babies so I just couldn't part with it.

Anyway, this blog ain't gonna be solely bout my babies.  It's gonna be about my life but since my babies are a huge part of my life, they will undoubtedly be featured plenty of times.  It's not that I don't love my kids but I find it a bit contrived (and a tad lame) when someone dedicates their blog solely for ther kid/s.  It's like they don't have a personality, a life of their own.  I love my kids to death but at the end of the day, I need my space to rant, gloat, complain, whatever and it ain't too proper if I start doing all that on my kids' blog.  I'm just gonna be me.  To hell with what some people might say.  This is MY blog and I'm gonna write whatever the hell I want on it. Ok, I'm gonna stop being rude now.  Haha.

So what's new?  Yeah, apart from the fact I quit my MOE job, nothing much.  Haha...I ain't gonna be a civil SERVANT with the Ministry of Errors (oops, Education, I mean) no more.  Woo hoo.  Some people (mostly well meaning teachers) have voiced their disapproval but I don't really care.  I know the risk, dear people.  I might end up jobless and homeless but you know what?  I don't think that's gonna happen coz Iain't gonna let it happen.  I'm not stupid (although I do a wicked airhead impersonation).  I know what I'm doing.  I'm gonna do a darn good job at the new (non MOE) school and not get fired.  So there. 

So many things on my mind.  So much I wanna say and yet, I don't wanna talk bout any of them.  Get it?  Anyway, the kids are doing alright.  Ayra has a fever but she's coping.  Me and An are so proud of her for getting such good results for her exam so the holiday we're going on soon is her little reward.  No, we're not going to Paris, it's just Thailand lah.  Hehe.  Shop till we drop.  Ayra doesn't mind.  She's pretty excited so everything's cool.

Fuddin?  He just got a haircut courtesy of Grandad today.  He looks awfully cute with the crew cute. Will upload a photo of him soon.  He's on his school break as well so he's a little bored. Will try to bring him out more often the next few weeks.

Urgh.  It's midnight.  Cinderella needs her beauty sleep.  Will update soon (OK OK) and upload photos as well (don't  snort!). 

Till then, stay schizo (ain't we all?). 

A Happy Entry...Finally!

Uh huh.

Just wanna blog something different this time.  I'm gonna feature my babies! 

First up is Ayra.

Full Name: Nur Ayra Binte Mohamad Roshan
Date of Birth: 12/03/03
Occupation: Student @ De La Salle School
Height: 121 cm
Weight: about 20 kgs (underweight)
Favorite Shows:  Jihan (Indonesian soap opera), Cartoons (Nickelodean, etc.)
Favorite food:  Small popiah, chicken rice, ice cream, chocolate, sweets,
Favorite drink: Ice lemon tea
Favorite Book:
Favorite Toy:

No Turning Back

Hi all.  As usual, my students are doing work so I'm taking the chance to blog whatever I can.  I've been insanely busy.  The 1 week school holiday came and went.  I only managed to stay home 3 out of the 7 days and this includes the weekend.  I'm stuffed and so here it comes...the ANNOUNCEMENT... I am quitting!!!!  Haha!!!  We (hubby and me) decided that it's best that I spend more time with the kids, especially Fuddin.  Financially, we're gonna be fried (haha) but you know what?  It's ok.  I only live once and I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to spend whatever little I have of my life being a slave to my job.  It's not that I don't like my job.  I love what I do.  In fact, I'm an effing good teacher... but there lies my fault...I'm pretty good at teaching and not much more.  Administratively, I'm pretty bad.  I'm not much of a disciplinarian either.  I hate the tons of marking and the extras we teachers have to do like "Sports Day", "Cross Country" and what have you.  I just want to teach.  It's just not right.  I am in school for almost 12 hours.  By the time I'm home, it's 7 and I clean the house, check the kid's homework, play with the kids, etc till their bedtime at about 10.30pm.  This leaves me about 1 hour and a half to mark or do some work before bedtime which is midnight.  Weekends are not much better, I try and fit in as much work as I can.  To cut the story short, I've lived this life for a long time, it's time I moved on.  I am going to take control of my life and change it the way I want to.  I am NOT gonna be a coward and carry on with the status quo.  I do not want to be on my deathbed twenty, thirty years from now and regret the life I led or the choices I made.  Yes, I've made many mistakes and made many bad choices before and I don't think it's possible for me to not continue doing so but I have a good feeling about this.  I believe I will be happier.  Yes, I will be poorer and yes, we will have to tighten our belts but no, I will not regret my decision.  It's not that I'm gonna stay home and rot though.  I'm still gonna teach... either private tuition, at a centre and who knows, maybe even open up my own tuition centre one day?  I don't really care.  I just want to do something for myself.  It's been so long since I put myself first. 

No more file checks!  No more marking standardizations!  No more marking hundreds of scripts in the shortest time, no more lesson observations, no more irritating HODs on my back, no more office politics, no more having to be nice to colleagues when you feel like crap, no more waking up at 5am, no more dreading Mondays, no more setting and vetting papers, no more chasing certain assholes for their work when in actual fact I don't give a damn about those good-for-nothing buggers.  No more attendance taking during assemblies, no more CCAs, no more effing camps, sports day, cross country and loads of other crappy activities meant to nurture the whole child,  no more ranking, no more trying to get and sustain 40 odd childrens' attention at one go, no more school dinners or teambuilding crap, no more lesson record file, no more, no more, no more........

Haha...but then there's no fixed income or bonuses either... but hey, let's be positive.  Let's worry about that when the time comes.  If we have to cut down on the expenses, we will.  As long as my family and me don't starve, we'll survive.

So there, I'll bitch another day.  Till then, let me bask in my favorite daydream...which will soon be a reality.    

I'm baaaaacccckkkkkk.....

Pee-ka-boo.  Hehe.  Yeah, pretty lame.  I was gonna declare this blog officially dead (at one point there were arseholes who tried to sell viagra here) but I thought, hey...it has served it's purpose for many years so I decided against it.  Whether I'll ever go back to updating regularly is still very much in question but who cares?  It's my bloody blog so I'll do whatever the hell I wanna do with it.  So there.

The thing is, with the I-Phone, I've pretty much uploaded all pics taken to my Facebook account.  Sadly, I hardly use my digi cam anymore.  Ok, I'll make an effort to use my digi cam once in a while as well as to transfer & upload some of the pics taken to my very pathetic blog.  Okay, now that all's that said & done, let me talk about my life.

February was definitely a tumultous month.  Lemme see.  I lost weight only to gain it back and now I plan to lose it again.  Grrrrr.... It never ends.

Hubby and I met with a few hiccups but we're still gonna try working towards a better relationship.  I mean what's the point of trying so hard to let people think you have a perfect lovey dovey relationship when you don't?  To me, arguments & disagreements give character to our marriage.  I mean, I don't look forward to them, but hey...  this is life and I ain't backing down.  Roshan, you're stuck with me :)

Kids?  Ayra turned 7!  We were supposed to throw her a grand party but decided against it at the last minute.  We threw her a mini belated party but she says she's pretty pleased so that's pretty good.  She's pretty much enjoying school and has been doing rather well.  I helped to prepare her for "show-and-tell" but most of the work was done independently.  She's churning pretty good grades so I"m pretty happy.  The most important thing is she's happy and healthy.  That's all I can ever ask for.

We finally bought her a proper desktop computer.  Following a friend's advice, we went to search for it at Sim Lim Square.  We came home hours later with a simple pc that costs so much less than what we would have spent at a large electrical or computer shop.  Furthermore, with my LDS allowance given by MOE, I end up paying almost nothing for it.  Ayra can now sit through her academic CD Roms, play on line games, paint and type as well as do her E-Learning assignments at home.  Cool. 

Actually, I would love to spend more time with her this 1 week school holiday but as luck would have it, yesterday was my only day off.  For today and the rest of the week, I'll be in school either teaching, marking or preparing stuff.  Shitloads of stuff.  Haha.  Not funny.  I'm not gonna bitch about work though coz work is work.  It pays and if I didn't work, we would starve. So there.

Fuddin.  Still growing.  :)  My cutie pie is still a hottie.  Hehe.  With help from his teacher Bei Xuan and the other therapists from Rainbow, he's progressing... slowly but surely.  He's also more receptive now, pretty happy most times and more "manja" than before.  Of course, every day of my life, I am reminded that my son will never lead a "normal" life but you know what?  I really don't care about what society thinks anymore.  The bastards who have put him down because of his size or behavior...just fuck off.  Imbeciles such as you...yeah you fuckwit... ain't worth my precious time.

And that brings me to a conclusion coz I need to end soon (test gonna finish...yeah yeah I'm in class again)... that life is short.  From this moment on, I will not waste my time caring or bothering with people who are negative or whatever it is they do that piss me off.  I'm just gonna get on with my life and do the best I can.  I'm going to erase unpleasant people, things, places, incidents or whatever have you from my memory from this moment on.  From this moment, I will not gripe anymore.  I will focus on the positive.  Selective memory you can call it...I call it an attempt to be HAPPY! My job is just a means to an end... I will not forget that.  I will not let money (or the lack of it) consume me.  While I will do what I can, I am only ONE person.  My mantra for my students and my children is "...As long as you do your best..." will apply to me as well form this moment on.  So there.

My husband, my children, my parents, my siblings, my extended family, my (few) friends... these are the people I will care about and concern myself with.  I've realized that the focus should be on people and not things or incidents or whatever.  It's people.  Today, I will start being a better person.  I can't be kind to everybody, I'm just not built that way.  I'm independent, cynical, brash, outspoken and too honest at times but while I will try to tone down, I'll never be a Mother Theresa,  You get me? 

Alright...enough talk.  Gonna go.  Will upload photos soon.  If I don't, add me on Facebook and you can see all the pics there.  See ya...

On Borrowed Time...

In class. The kids having a break before their remedial. I haven't been updating so here I am. I have a few photos to upload. Hope I'll get round to it sooner than later.

Just came back from the sec 4 camp. Exhausting! Eventhough my P gave me permission to go home every night, it was still tiring which is kinda weird coz I hardly did anything. Us teachers just hung around, did some marking and that was about it. On the second day, we played some really cool games...like mind games (Polar Bear?) and some medieval strategic card game which is way cool. I won by the way. Hehe.

Got to know more and interact with the other teachers there. They're very nice. I'm glad we had the camp. The kids enjoyed their time there too I think although they seem dead tired in class today. Haha. Poor kids.

And my little kids? They're doing alright. Ayra's on a school trip even as I write. She's at Health Zone. Actually she's been there before but she was still excited about it last night. She's also doing pretty well with her school work. I'm glad. I'm really not asking for the sun or the moon; just that my daughter grows up to be well adjusted and happy. If she's smart, that's an added bonus, if she's not then let it be. As long as her values are right and she is a good person, I'm happy :)

As for my baby boy, he's adjusting to school well. He no longer resist going to school. Feedback from his Teacher, Bei Xuan, has been favorable. He's pretty much a happy trooper except when his routine or route is changed. Still, they're trying to get him to be more receptive to changes. Well kudos to them for even trying!

And oh! My good friend gave birth to a baby boy earlier this week! So exciting. I still can't believe she's a mommy. Anyway, Fiza, if you get to read this, I just wanna tell you that I feel you'll be a wonderful mommy! Mateen is really lucky to have you and I'll see you soon k babe?

Hell, only 10 mintes left. I'm almost never not busy now but in way, I don't mind. Roshan thinks I'm shooting myself in the foot for trying to be a perfectionist. Yeah I guess I have to loosen up a bit yeah? I'm sorry baby if I drive you up the wall at times. Thanks for being patient and not giving up on me. ......101...... :)

Ok gotta go. Hopefully will write soon. Stay sane people... I'll do likewise.

School's In!

Yup, both my children are back to being busy students! Ayra started her education at a "proper" school on a good note. As expected, she's being an eager beaver, always wanting to tell us about her day in school. She's made quite a number of friends and seems to be settling in well. I'm glad that there's not too much homework (hardly any) from her teachers but I have a feeling that things will change soon. Ayra has also been rather unwell and has developed a rather mean cough. Hope she gets better soon. Poor girl. She seems tired nowadays and there's hardly time for recreation. It doesn't help that Mommy and Daddy are just as tired and busy either. Still, I 'm positive we'll be able to work out something to balance out work and play. Stay strong honey; things can only get better.

Then there's my Fuddin. After settling the Yishun Park's we-don't-have-a-bus-plying-CCK-so-make-your-own-arrangement-we-don't-really-care fiasco, my Baby is once again a full fledged student. 5 times a week! Woohoo! No more being cooped up at home. It's a welcome change. Grandpa says he's been coping well except when he's hungry! Haha...after swimming on Wednesday, Fuddin actually cried on the bus all the way back home. We soon found out he was hungry therefore GRUMPY! We still haven't given up hope on trying to get him to lose some weight so we'll see how that goes.

As for me, I'm alright. Still terribly busy but then if I recall correctly, I've always been busy! Haha! Which reminds me...I should be doing something else now...

K World, talk soon.

Life Goes On....

It's been a crazy week. It is an understatement to say that I have been busy. I'm so busy at work that I haven't even been to the canteen. The good news is that I've lost weight! Haha. I like. However, I do not want to continue being so busy. I haven't even be able to spend time with my babies. Ayra reaches home at almost 7 and next week, Fuddin starts school. I'm only left with a few hours to be with them each weekeday and during those precious few hours, I have to clean the house, fold clothes, bathe them.....blah blah blah.

Still, I am optimistic about the whole thing. I suppose I'm new to the school and therefore, I will need a bit more time to orientate myself. The staff here are ok. They're pretty nice although there are a few "sour plums". Still, I don't see myself being too chummy with them. I guess I just can't click with anyone here. Still, I don't mind. I end up being more productive I suppose. While I had plenty of friends at Dunearn, I was also sidetracked from work more times than I should have been.

As for the kids, they're nice and generally better behaved than those in Dunearn. Still, I miss those rascals in Dunearn. No point being nostalgic though. Life goes on. Just be positive, look to the future and do our best. Right?

Alright I've gotta go and do more work. I'm really looking forward to the weekend.